Tuesday, October 1, 2013

*Why am I uncertain?*

Sometimes, I sit here and ponder about the past. Where did time go? Why haven't I fulfilled all of my goals. The truth is, I'm afraid that this will be it. I'm terrified that I am stuck in this hole of uncertainty. Did I waste all that time and money going through school? Is there more for me out there? I try not to be negative, but I am clueless. I have attempted to find many diverse things, but there is nothing there. I wonder how life will end up for me. When I wake up in the morning and know how my day will end, I become unhappy. It isn't because of the people that surround me, but because I know I am worth so much more. So, I ask myself, why am I in this situation? Why haven't I stepped out of the trap? I have everything to back me up except support. I have gained a new opportunity, but I don't have everyone's blessings. I need knowledge, growth, and experience that everyone can grasp and comprehend. I need to discover who and what I was and am meant to be in my life. For the time being, I have given up doing all of the things that complete my smile. I am no longer writing my book, I am saving my words for later, and I have ceased to look for other opportunities. As I sit here and flip through recent photo albums, I see bags under my eyes. I am tired of this lifestyle, I am exhausted from the lack of self worth, and I deserve more. So, I sit here and pray for another open door, another miracle, and another fate. Why? Because I am worth much more than all of this. So, for now, I will continue to fake a smile, degrade myself, and accept worthless compliments. In the end, I know who and what I am capable of becoming. My intelligence is in my heart. I will keep asking for guidance, have faith, and hope. That is all I can do.

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